What if instead of chasing action items on to-do lists, we commit to practicing our values?

Think of it this way: your values are the trellis and your actions are the vine. Without a trellis, the vine will climb wild and you'll be left with a jumbled mess. But with a trellis of your values, your actions can grow flexibly and intentionally, chasing the sunlight and support of what matters most to you.

Look a vine climbing! Sorry for the creepy gif. Waiting for a better AI-gif generator ;)

Here’s a simple exercise that l first learned from Ayse Birsel’s Design The Life You Love, and then built on top of with Rosi Greenberg and Rada Yovovich. Four simple steps.

Step #1: Think of 5 people you admire

Think: Fiction, Non-fiction, Living, Dead, Celebrities, Family, Colleagues, Professors. Mine are below

Alok Vaid-Menon

Taylor Swift

Angela Davis

Pakistani Trans Community

Brene Brown

Step #2: Reflect on what you admire about them

• Go one person at a time

• Get specific. Ask yourself: why is that important?

  • If you said “I admire my boss because she’s a badass who has been promoted 5 times in 2 years”… is it because “my boss works hard like many but is also extremely creative and innovative and I admire that!” or is it because “I admire her ambition and the recognition she has received for it”?

Hover over the images to see what I came up with:

Alok is unapologetically, innovatively, fiercely themself. From their performances to their poetry, from their interviews to their fashion, they embody their spirit fully!

Taylor Swift is a talented songwriter who is so fearlessly dedicated to her craft and confident in her creativity! She produces so much with trust in herself and in her voice!

Angela Davis is a visionary: sees the big picture and gives us that vision. She fights for truth even over personal safety, long-term goals even over short-term comfort.

The trans community in Pakistan are their own leaders, building a vibrant, joyful community in a society actively not serving them. They choose themselves even over fitting in.

Brene's work and research is a part of her life. How she lives informs her work and vice versa. I love that.

Step #3: Translate those into values (a word bank of values here). These are the values you see in people you admire. For me, it’s:

• “Authenticity, Expression, Fearlessness” for Alok

• “Creativity, Confidence” that I admire in Taylor Swift

• “Vision, Wisdom, Courage, Persistence” that I admire in Angela Davis

• “Authenticity, Courage, Clarity” for the trans community

• “Alignment, Expression” for Brene Brown

Step #4: Cross out the names and write your name! Yes. *Breathe* DO IT! Yes, cross out Angela Davis. And write your name. Cross out Taylor Swift. And write your name. All five of them. Recite the rewritten description such that it describes you!

• “fahad Taylor Swift is a talented songwriter who is so fearlessly dedicated to her craft and confident in her creativity!”

• “fahad Angela Davis is a visionary: sees the big picture and gives us that vision. She fights for truth even over personal safety, long-term goals even over short-term comfort.”

I know there is hesitation. But I’m not that person yet! This isn’t who I am. This is who I want to be!

Do it anyways.

And take a moment and reflect on how these values have been living within you. Witness and accept the many or few, small or big ways you are already becoming the person you want to be.

Take the values you’ve uncovered in #3. These are yours. What we admire about others is often what we love — and want to love — in ourselves.

Ground in these values. Show up to these values. When you fumble, just come back to your values. Let your values stand firm like a trellis. And let your daily actions be flexible and intentional like a vine around that trellis.