Go ahead. Chase that dream. It’ll change your life.

The past few days have been so tough. I’ve accomplished very few tasks on my to-do list. And I’ve questioned the to-do list a lot: are these the right things to focus on? The voice in my head has gone from: “I can’t do this” to “I don’t want to this anymore”… from “maybe I’m just not cut out for this” to “I should suck it up, put my head down and get just any job”, from “holy f***, I’m 33! I need to save more $ for retirement” to “I’m wasting my life”. This is harsh, self-flagellation. But honestly, it sounds like rational, practice advice most of the time.

Rewind to last December. I was reconnecting with a dear friend, Naushaba. They are someone I deeply admire. They inspire me to be expressive and authentic. They teach me to see the systems around us more clearly. They asked me how I was doing. And I mentioned saying something to the effect of “I’m struggling to figure out my business stuff a bit but I’m really happy. I’m living the life I want to live.”

This morning, I was able to wake up on a different side of the bed and found some wisdom.

“ I’m in the thick of it. I’m always in the thick of it. There is no outside of it. ”

I’m paragraphing Alok Vaid-Menon here, from their recent conversation with The Institute of Radical Permission.

This is exactly what my work is reminding me too: I’m always in the thick of it. And just when I think I’m out, I’m in the thick in a new way. And I have to figure out how to maneuver. Some days, I run away from it. Those days are tough. When I’m not productive, it’s easy to say to myself “yeah, see, I’m clearly not motivated by this. and even if I am, I’m not cut out for this. ” On other days, I show up and I’m a badass!

My work is teaching me to reframe questions, ask more powerful questions!

I’m reframing my quest for motivation and passion to:

How can I show up to my work and tend to the person I want to become given my current motivation level? How can I show up to myself when I’m in the thick of it?”

Living the life I want to live is a practice. And it is really, really, really hard for me.

However, the more I can figure out how to show up to it — regardless of how easy or hard it is, regardless of how uncomfortable or capable I feel — the more joy I find in it.

In honor of Miley’s new smash hit song, here’s a classic: The Climb

Music video of “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus, which is a decent summary of this blogpost!